pondering things

I watched an episode of No Reservations a couple nights ago where Anthony Bourdain visited Japan. I love Tony Bourdain and think Japan is so interesting, so it was totally entertaining, but while I was watching it, I kept thinking, "You're going to be living there in less than a month." And I couldn't really comprehend that idea. When I first found out that I got the new job that is taking me there, it didn't fully sink in that it really meant moving to Japan. I thought it would as the time to leave got closer, but it really hasn't. Tokyo is just so impossibly far away! Even with all the preparations I've been making, it still seems unreal that it's actually happening.

I've had a lot of people asking me lately if I'm scared or if I think I'll be homesick. It's hard to answer when I'm still unable to fully grasp the fact that I'm leaving. I'm not scared, although with my very limited Japanese, maybe I should be. And it's even harder for me to imagine being homesick than it is to imagine living in Japan. I've never been homesick for even a minute, but maybe this will be what finally breaks me. When I think about what to take with me, I keep setting aside things that will remind me of home. I don't know if that will make things better or worse if I am actually homesick.

I don't know. Maybe it's because of the impossibly far awayness of Tokyo, but I had a much harder time gearing myself up to move to Iowa for college. I was neither scared to go to Iowa nor homesick once I got there, but I was hit with pretty severe culture shock (this never quite wore off). I feel better prepared for dealing with Japan than I was for dealing with the Midwest. I mean, I know I'm in for a completely different experience with Japan, and I was just not expecting life in Iowa to feel so unbelievably foreign in comparison to where I grew up. But maybe I'm just thinking this way because of my continuing disbelief that I'm actually going.

This is turning into rambling and is threatening to stop making sense. I should shut up for now.

I just wonder if it will sink in before I leave, or if I won't really get it until I step off the plane at Narita.